End of the year post

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Lots of things! I went to Denmark, did new and raw forms of self-care, to name a couple.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions once yearly. I do them on a short term as-needed basis, and continue to re-evaluate them for relevance, so not really, but I stuck to most of the ones I made.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
yes!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Our neighbors were victims of a murder-suicide, but we weren't close friends. Still, it obviously affected our neighborhood.

5. What countries did you visit?
Denmark.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Not sure. This was an abundant year on many levels.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 28, our anniversary and the day our neighbors murdered themselves.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The aforementioned self care, and writing a short story to be published in an anthology.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not finishing Fisherman's Wife, although I gained a new perspective on what it needs. Was unable to get my blodpudding into the country.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm sick today, and have been for the past few days. Also, two months I couldn't get a handle on my migraines.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A new computer.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My students.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The Islamophobes, 60% of people online, BP, politicians, Oklahoma, people who perpetuate violence and opression in the world.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Where it belonged!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Denmark, Intercon, and Dreamation. And Honk Fest in Somerville.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
"Paradise Circus" by Massive Attack.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
feeling safer in my relationships.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Exercizing and speaking out against the things that hurt the world.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
worrying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
At home with my mom, kids, husband, and friends.

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Sort of.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
True Blood

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't hate anyone, but I am at peace with my dislike of some people.

26. What was the best book you read?
Can't remember the name of it!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Mos Def and Joanna Newsome. Muslim hip-hop. Also discovered that there's a name for my favorite genre of music: Freak Folk.

28. What did you want and get?
A path out of my perennial toxic crazy.

29. What did you want and not get?
Two weeks off.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
True Grit? Too many others to name, thanks to Netflix.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
40. Played croquet with friends and family.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I started getting my meat from the halal butcher sooner, went to more zikr, focused on strengthening my dīn.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
same old same old: jeans only for work, long skirts, mary janes, lace up boots, black, patchwork, a merger between goth and hippie, modest.

34. What kept you sane?
12 Steps, writing, music, tea, my vice.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Takeshi Kaneshiro

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Institutionalized, widespread hate against Muslims, which sounds increasingly like the racism of the 60's.

37. Who did you miss?
Many people.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Several new people who will remain anonymous.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
I'm worth it.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"One shot to your heart without breaking your skin
No one has the power to hurt you like your kin
Kept it inside, didn't tell no one else
Didn't even wanna admit it to yourself
And now your chest burns and your back aches
From 15 years of holding the pain
And now you only have yourself to blame
If you continue to live this way" India Arie "Get it Together"

Hating the Haters Is Bringing Me Down

I'm astounded by the explosion of Islamophobia. I'm not so surprised by it. I'm just surprised at how many seemingly reasonable and kind people are letting their nasty, hateful side shine out there in public. It's perfectly okay these days to hate Muslims.

I don't even have to go within a two block radius of Ground Zero to see it. Check out the brain trust just down the highway from me: This is Hate Speech. This can incite violence against innocent people. Just read some of the comments. What is wrong with people? Why is this acceptable? What if his sign said "Catholics will destroy us from within" or "Japanese people will destroy us from within" or "Jews will destroy us from within" or... Oh, wait. Those signs have been posted in the past, the not too distant past.

No longer astounded. As you were. Reality checked.

He changed the sign to something not much better.

Meme Me. Kiss Kiss.

I rarely blog these things, but I am today....

• Who’s the last person you laid next to? Mr. Ellingboe.
• Last person you had a phone conversation with? My mom.
• Someone tells you that your beautiful, you say...? "Thanks" and then get all awkward.
• Who was the last person you added to your contacts? A friend from high school.
• Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you want to be with? Oh heck yes, but it takes a good sense of humor.
• Where is the person you last kissed? Sleeping in her bed.
• Do you wake up cranky? Yes.
• Sex ruins relationships, right? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.
• Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes, many times. I henna it now.
• Did you have a good birthday this year? It didn't go as planned, and I was rather sad about that, because we had nice plans, but that was almost a year ago. Moving on.
• Is there a person that will always have a place in your heart? Yes.
• Does crying actually make you feel better? Rarely.
• How many times has someone told you they were in love with you? Someone tells me all the time.
  
• Who was the last person you texted? Mom.
• Ever had a teacher that you wanted to punch in the face? No. I can't think of anyone I wanted to punch in the face for more than 10 minutes. Open handed smack in the face? That's a different story, but still no teachers.
• More attractive: kisses out of nowhere, or when you know? I don't understand. Depends on the kisser and the circumstances.
• Would you rather eat cookies or brownies? Cookies
• How many blankets do you sleep with? One. In winter it's winter weight, in summer it's summer weight, but I sometimes kick it off.
• If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? The last person I kissed was my daughter when I tucked her in. I think she'd want to be kissed some more. So maybe the situation of my last kiss ruins the implications of the question. And what's with all the kissing questions?
• Have you ever cried during a movie? Hells yes.
• Have you broken the law in the last 3 days? Yes.
• Are you drunk? Nope.
• Are you one of the people that never drinks soda? No I'm not "one of those people". I enjoy a midday Coke Zero from time to time.
• If you had one more chance to be with your ex would you take it? No, that horse is dead, and the flogger's been put to better use.
• What’s the last thing you ate? A pickle.
• Do you tan in the hot sun? Yes, but I wear sunscreen.
• Have you dated both sexes? Um...That's something better discussed off the internet.
  
• Did anything cute happen in the last week? Yes. Four 5 year olds, one 3 year old, and one 2 year old--all cousins and siblings, frolicked around my in-laws' house.
• Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008? Heavens yes, and heavens no!
• Are you satisfied with your life as of now? Yes, but I strive to improve what needs improving, because that's how life goes.
• Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? No, but there are some things which could be said, but I'm the wrong person to say them.
• When was the last time you ate popcorn? Saturday last.
• How are you feeling? With my heart and head and hands.
• What was the first thing you did when you woke up today? Snuggled Mr. Ellingboe then woke him up.
• What are you doing this week? Working, having dinner with my dearest friend from college whom I haven't seen in a year, and not talked to nearly enough in recent months. We ran into each other on Friday on the street and said almost simultaneously, "We need to spend some time together." She lives about 45 minutes away.
• Have you had sex today? That's something I'd rather not discuss on the internet.
• Do you like falling asleep listening to rain? Yes.
• Do you have feelings for someone? I have a lot of love in my life.
• When was the last time you were laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe? Sunday?
• Have you ever took a picture of you and someone else kissing? I think I have. I took photography in college.
• Have you ever kissed under fireworks? Sure.
• Do you have any plans for tomorrow? Yes.
• Have you had any beer this week? I took a sip of Mr. E's, but I'm not a beer drinker.
  
• What are the color of your eyes? Chocolate brown.
• Is there a place that you wish you could visit? Just one?
• Who was the last person in your bed besides you? Husband, daughter and two cats.
• How was last night? Great!
• Are you currently frustrated with someone? Sadly, yes.
• Is it easier to forgive or forget? Forgive. But if you forget, you miss the lesson.
• Do you think anyone’s thinking about you right now? Yeah!
• So what if you married the last person you kissed? That would be illegal and wrong.
• Would you prefer a baby boy or girl? a child.
• Have you ever been called heartless? Yes, or something to that effect.
• Is there anyone who doesn’t like you? Where's the fun in everyone liking you?
• Who was the last person you knew to have a baby? I don't know!
• In one word, how do you feel right now? Like myself.
• Has anyone upset you in the last week? heaven's, yes.
• How would you feel if you found out you had been cheated on? Surprised.
• Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring? Yeah... And I had one, too.
• Do you believe exes can be friends? I know they can be, and I know they can't be.
• Have you and a friend ever liked the same person? Oh dear, yes.
• Ever had a dream that you died? No.
• Is your heart hurting? Just a tiny bit. It'll pass.
• Are you having any online conversations, currently? I don't understand. Isn't this in some way having an online conversation?
• Are you single, taken, married, or none of the above? Taken? Yeah, I'm "taken" and married.
• Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex? Yes. We were 10.
• Your ex says they never even liked you, you say...? "You know that's a lie."
  
• Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? Yes. I hate it.
• What’s on your mind? This meme?
• Do you like to always be right? Heck no! I've been right about things I didn't like being right about.
• Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? Yes.
• Would you rather change your past or know your future? There are a couple of things I'd change because I know better, now, but I'm okay with the reality that they happened.
  
• Do you ever think about stuff and start crying? Occasionally, yeah.
• What things do you wanna change? My nail polish.

Wedding Belles

Yesterday I went to my friends Christine and Hannah's wedding out in Kingston. It was a beautiful occasion. Lovely weather, fantastic food, the ceremony was touching, personal moving.

I first met Christine in college. We lived in the same house. I had just returned from a three year hiatus to finish my last two years, Christine (Christie, as I've always known her) was a senior. We hit it off immediately. Without getting into the particulars, (because they aren't relevant to the post, really), Christine went to bat for me and stood up for me when she saw that someone in a position of authority treated me unfairly. In short, she wrote a letter to Important-type people, and pointed out a wrong. I didn't know she had done this until a few years ago. I should have known, though. Christine is a fiercely loyal and loving friend.

Bea, Ingrid, Mr. E and I all attended the wedding. We sat at the table with a group of women that Christine befriended when she came out for the second time. We all joked that she has terrible taste in men, and as it's always best for one to be true to herself, we're happy and relieved she finally found her true love. As much as I hate the winters here, and the fact that New England isn't my first choice of a where I'd live, I love that in Massachusetts, two people who love each other can get married, even if they're the same gender. Bea and Ingrid didn't ask any confused questions about two women getting married. Ingrid loves weddings, because she gets to dress up, dance, play with flowers, and eat delicious food (I think once she drops the hula girl astronaut aspirations, she may well seek a career in professional party planning, culinary arts, fine food critique, etc.) I don't think she really noticed, at least not how I might have noticed when I was her age or Bea's age. Is it possible that marriage equality will be the norm for my kids? Insha'allah.

During the ceremony, the minister praised Christine and Hannah for their bravery and boldness that they would make their union so public. Massachusetts exists somewhat in an equality utopia that hasn't spread to the rest of the country, nor has it spread to all aspects of attributes that makes us humans unique and different. We're making progress, though. Homophobia still exists, even in the happy Valley and beyond its borders.

I wonder how many generations it will be before the minister can drop the bravery and boldness piece of the ceremony. Mr. E and I got married 31 years after the Supreme Court's landmark decision in the Loving v. Virginia case. We didn't feel particularly brave or bold for marrying people not of our race. On the other hand, while interracial marriage is more common racism is alive and doing very well, thanks for asking.

Putting on my optimist's smile and a cliche on my tongue. The best way to destroy hate is with love.

What's the second best? Being comfortable with our differences, and that means to acknowledge them. We aren't ready for colorblindness. We aren't ready to say, "it's no big deal that two men or two women can marry". It's a big deal, and not because it should be a big deal when anyone decides to marry. Being married is part of one's identity. I am a wife, mother, African American, person of faith, gamer, homeowner, woman. My identity depends on my own definition as well as my relationships with people.

I look forward to many visits with Christine and Hannah. I am so happy for them. What a privilege it is to be part of their loving circle of friends and family.

May Day!

Hi there! Long time no blog. I have much to catch up on, so here are some things you may read about in the weeks to come.

Mr. E and I went to Denmark. I was the guest of honor at Fastaval. I ran a larp that Emily Boss and I have been working on called What to Do About Tam Lin. We ran it on two previous occasions at Dreamation in February and Intercon in March. Fastaval was an amazing convention. I was honored (and somewhat overwhelmed my "how on earth did I get here" feeling) to be the guest of honor. I played some incredible games, and developed a taste for schnapps (I know, haraam...) and renewed my love for picked herring. Best of all, the hosts and attendees at Fastaval made Mr. E and me feel welcome and at home. I am saving up to go next year--or to Knutepunk next year. At some point I will write about my experiences in more detail, but here's a quick run down of what I played.
Epifani (wicked, disorienting fun!)
The Journey (my favorite!!!)
Behind Your Back
I ran Previous Occupants, which I first played at Dreamation.
The worst part of my Denmark trip was that US Customs seized my 6 packages of blodpudding (I know, haraam...).

I made a commitment to finish Tales of the Fisherman's Wife in 3 months, which means I purchased a new to me MacBook Pro, which means I will be writing more once the new laptop arrives. It's sooo close to being done.

I continue to love my job as a behavioral instructor. I was just promoted this weekend.

Rivers of kombucha flow in my continuous brewer. I have more SCOBY's than I know what to do with.

While I'm no longer doing Local Bias on GCTV, (working days prevent me from being at the studio on Thursday mornings), I will be working with Drew Hutchison on a show about the local gaming scene.

I'm on week 4 of Couch to 5k. Who knew I'd like running?! Not me!

My love/hate relationship with gardening continues to vacillate.

Hopefully, my new computer will get here before Friday and I will take it to Philadephia, where Ingrid, Bea and I will meet Dr. Bond for Mother's Day weekend. I'll start with those Fastaval write-ups in between the Fisherman's Wife work. In the mean time, happy spring!