Stomping on the Olive Branch

In the spirit of the olive branch I describe, please remember that I can only speak to my side of the conflict. I asked the person in question to self reflect on some issues about friendship, and so here I do the same.

I asked someone who used to be a friend if we could sit and talk things out. It didn't go over well, and he refused my request. He has his reasons, and because we've not had a chance to really talk about things in a constructive manner, I have no real understanding of why things are the way they are, so of course my understanding wears the costume of no communication and my perception. It's a very ugly costume.

I'm left wondering why it is so important to me to repair this friendship. The rift between us has had a negative impact on my social circle and my seat in the circle, I feel like I've failed at keeping up my end of the friendship, there's a mountain of misunderstanding on both sides that I'm afraid will never be fixed, and it's a kick to my pride.

It's not like I have never ended a friendship, or been dumped by a friend, albeit those dead friendships are few and far between. In those previous cases, the person in question and I didn't have enough personal ties to make it important or necessary to patch things up. This time, the ties run deep, we have many mutual friends, we're part of a mutual community. Because of this conflict, it feels to me like my access to and participation in the community is limited to a great extent. The way I phrased it to this person was that I felt like I was being shunned by him. I'm not invited to goings on, and our game group has pretty much crumbled. At Dreamation a couple of weeks ago, he avoided me. On the other hand, said person claims to want to support my creative endeavors. Because of the hurt and the perceived shunning, the support comes off as insincere, and on my end it's unwanted. I like it when my friends support me, not when the support comes from an empty shell of a former friendship.

Disappointingly, the rift came in the midst of olive branches passing back and forth, but we spent too much time trying to fix things with the internet--the singularly worse vehicle for communication. It's marginally better than morse code.

So what happens now? Well, I said I wouldn't make the offer again, and I don't think I will. Even if said person reads this, things will continue as they are. We won't speak to each other, our social circle will remain broken, and given that from where I sit, I lose the most support a whole social and creative circle provides, and I'll continue to think the worst of the situation. And that's the end of that. I tried, I give up.

If I say anything else, my hurt, pride, and misunderstanding will take over, but here are the morals of the story:
Internet communication is harmful to friendships. Let me clarify that! If you take nothing from my sad rant, take this: Internet communication is toxic to friendships.
And sad but true, olive branches do not recover well from stomping.

Jar of Magic

We're on a decluttering campaign. In a box of knick knacks I found a jar labeled "Magic". Inside, here is what I found.

My long ponytail from the last time I cut my hair, pre-dreadlocks.
A lock of Chris' hair.
A lock of my hair, pre-dreadlocks.
A vial of my blood (dried).
The blood soaked (dried) bandage that covered the most painful tattoo I ever got.
A ring from an ex-boyfriend, silver and shaped like a fish skeleton, given to me on my 22nd birthday, the day before I went down to New Orleans.
An envelope with my wisdom teeth.
A funny button, much like the ones that Ingrid loves.
Another ring I bought myself, ceramic with a girl's face painted on it.
A torn movie ticket. I don't know what movie it was, or whom I went with.
Sage leaves scattered throughout.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to unpack this. It seems fitting to get rid of the fish ring, but I'm going to leave the rest of me in the jar. These personal concerns aren't me anymore, but I feel the need to dispose of them with care and love, because the me who packed them would have wanted it that way.

Then, of course, I'll have to refill the jar. Probably with the personal concerns I keep in my box of magic. These items include:
The ends of one of my dreadlocks.
Bea's baby teeth.
A lock of Ingrid's hair.
A lock of my hair.
Something that Chris gave me.

A Very Merry Black History Month To You!

or, blah blah Black History Month.

Dude, every month is Black History Month for some of us. I was going to run a special at Stone Baby Games to celebrate the shortest month of the year, but I changed my mind. That said, you can purchase and download a pdf of the snazzy new revised Steal Away Jordan at IPR.

Instead, in celebration of the time when Black History gets a fighting chance to be considered American History, as opposed to something unique and largely unimportant to any other American, I bring you Black Hyperlinks! (which come in all different colors!)

On Friday I stuck a Barack Obama sign in our front yard. That same morning I woke up and I was an African American, just like the day before and the day before that.

Here's something you might not know about me (unless you're my mom, the Director of the African American Studies Department at University of Memphis): I was Harold Ford, Jr.'s escort to his beautillion in Memphis.

Chris and I just watched Prince Among Slaves. I really enjoyed this, so much so that I want to read the book. I was doubly pleased with the realization that one could tell this story using Steal Away Jordan! Yay, me! (A Black Woman in February!)

There's an awesome conversation about one of the Steal Away Jordan sessions I ran at Dreamation over at Story Games.

Best of all, and most significantly for me, Black History Month is the same month Ingrid joined the world, a decendent of both Americans, Africans, and Vikings.

So there you go, now go out and celebrate!

The Primitive Orgy Oracle

The revised edition of Steal Away Jordan is available to pre-order until Wednesday, January 23. I will have a limited number of copies at Dreamation. Visit Stone Baby Games for more information.

So what's that have to do The Primitive Orgy Oracle? Nothing. I'm just combining 2 posts, and "The Primitive Orgy Oracle" has a nice ring to it. Tonight I started working on the Primitive Orgy Oracle for In a Wicked Age. Meg and Vincent came over and we took turns going through the book and picking out phrases. Here are a few of my favorites:

A cordon of scowling, livid faces, reeking with musk, watching through wildly bulging bloodshot eyes.

The 37 1/2 part of a woman’s 38-22-37 1/2 chassis.

A huge giant, at least 6’ 6”, with big grasping toes like a gorilla’s fingers, messing around with an MG.

The will of the great Obeah Damballa papaloi.

The voice of Jamaica Jane, hypnotic, hollow, and devoid of emotion.

So what's Primitive Orgy? It's a pulp novel by Big Bob Tralins, author of Torrid Island. I bought the book when I was in high school and brought it home when I was visiting my parents back in October. The book is exactly what you'd expect. Busty women, magical negroes, macho men, human sacrifices, ritual orgies, Voodoo. It is excellent source material for an oracle if you want to plat In a Wicked Age, ca. 1961, which, despite the painful stereotypes and silliness, I find inexplicably appealing. Stay tuned!

In Search of...Baby Bees

I've never been a fan of cheesecake. I have a wicked sweet tooth, but cheesecake love has always alluded me. At Christmas, my parents sent my in-laws a cheesecake from Juniors in New York. Apparently, my parents have fond memories of going to Juniors with my aunt who lived in Brooklyn, and feasting on cheesecake. I remember things a little differently. I remember someone in the group saying "let's go to Junior's", others would chime in their affirmations, and I would quietly dissent, outnumbered. Then we'd get to Junior's and everyone would order cheesecake, and I'd search the menu for something else. I hated cheesecake. I hated going to Junior's. I grew up disliking raw tomatoes and mushrooms as well, and now I can tolerate them. Similarly, I can tolerate cheesecake, but I'd never order it off a menu.

Chris and Vincent heard about my anti-cheesecake stance. Chris never knew this about me. He was shocked. Vincent took it upon himself to educate me on the joys of cheesecake. He makes a mean cheesecake. Now I can say I like cheesecake if Vincent Baker makes it. I suppose that's progress.

While chatting at dinner the night of my cheesecake education, the subject, of course turned to the strange things we've eaten or would like to eat. If you recall last year about this time, we ate deep fried waterbugs. I was not terribly successful at this, but I did try. Anyway, Vincent mentioned that he'd heard that the best bugs to eat are bee larvae because they're so sweet. The gustatory wheels in my head have been churning since. I'm on the hunt for bee larvae to fry up in my wok. In my search I found a blog of another adventurous eater: Weird Meat. I'm even more inspired. Audience assistance in my quest to find baby bees is warmly appreciated.

We talked about eating other odd things like bear, elk, big game meat. It might be easier to find a source for those than for baby bees. We'll see.

Bee Larvae Leads
Edible Insects
China Bees. Where's a "buy it now" button?
From the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations' Corporate Document Repository, Chapter 8 of "Value Added Products from Bee Keeping". Includes recipes!

RPG Couples Compatibility

I apologize in advance for the inside joke-ness of this post. It might not make that much sense if you weren't privy to the characters in question's games. Then again, it really doesn't make much sense in the wider scheme of things.

At the llewellyn website, there's a romantic compatibility test. All you do is enter your name and your lover's name, and you get an insightful and in depth randomly generated assessment of your relationship.

So naturally I tried Chris and me first, and then again. I got two different answers, and of course the response was vague enough that both of them worked. So I figured that if it worked so well on a real couple, I bet it would work on imaginary ones like role playing game character dyads.

First I used my favorite and painfully dysfunctional dyad, Shizuka and Tai from our Sorcerer game last year. First I just entered "Shizuka" and "Tai". Then I remembered that Shizuka had a last name, so I did it again with her last name. I didn't think Tai had a last name. Maybe he a long descriptive name, but I assume in his endeavor to be a 21st Century demon he just went by Taietsu. I doubt last names ever really came up as an issue for either of them. Anyway, I got two different assessments. The second one was more fitting. Eerily and hilariously fitting. I've bolded the parts that really fit.

Shizuka and Tai:

Vibration No 9:
You are a very peculiar couple. If you really manage to get along, your couple will serve you to learn to grow both as individuals and as members of a society. When you are together, you tend to identify with each other and vibrate with a similar behavior. You are very emotional, moody, sensitive and affectionate. Both of you love good food, as well as order and comfort wherever you choose to live. Both tend to be faithful, but each one needs to retain their individuality as a person and take their place within society. Above all, you need the other person to show their affection.
At a sexual level, both need motivation from the other, otherwise, you may become introverted or harbor negative feelings.
In general, relationships with this vibration are made up of two people who have got together after many losses at the emotional level and that’s why it is important that you provide the other with the security they need. It is important that you take up some activity together, like dancing, or a sport.

So I discovered that this random generator of a romantic compatibility test works best when you include the last name. So I tried my best to include the last names.

Couple number 2 was Molly Fawcett and Elizabeth Rutherford from Primetime Adventures. I suppose I should have also tried Molly Fawcett and Benjamin Smith, but that would have been overkill. Besides, once again, the test was dead on accurate.

Molly and Elizabeth

Vibration No 2
A very intense relationship from scratch, although for this same reason, emotions can take over all too easily.
You can both get easily discouraged and keep fearing fights or misunderstandings, especially with respect to each other’s families. Sometimes, you act secretly and this creates a feeling of distrust on your partner. You fear minor problems and tend not to help each other when you are feeling down, which further confuses the situation. However, you will overlook your own needs or wishes for the sake of your partner.
The relationship is firy, affectionate, very sensitive and romantic. Still, you must not compete but rather try to understand your partner’s darkest feelings without criticism.
The relationship is positive as long as both of you support each other and try not to shed negative feelings.

The next couple I tested was from a Poison'd game, played at GenCon (adults only post). Despite their respective horribleness, I think Abyssinia de Cortez & James Doggett were rather compatible. So did the random generator compatibility test, even though James Doggett was not James Doggett's real name (at least I don't think it was), and I figured Abyssinia was a pet name given to her by Brimstone Jack. It still worked! Amazing!

Abyssinia de Cortez and James Doggett

Vibration No 8:
In this relationship, both partners call the floor and have too marked and structured a personality. You are both very demanding of the relationship. You may even wish to have everything already established, and this might generate conflicts or minor quarrels. After one of these, it can be the case that neither of you takes initiative for a reconciliation, for you tend to be too rancorous.
At the level of the deepest feelings, both of you need to be intimately understood, for you can easily feel the other’s rejection and become too susceptible. At critical times, for instance if one partner is undergoing health or financial problems, you will both react helpfully, and will be sympathetic enough to stand by the other. For this reason, you must be careful that neither assumes the role of “the victim” in the relationship, in order to be helped or taken care of constantly by the other.
You need to learn to renew yourselves permanently, without falling into stereotypes.

And finally, I tested the relationship that could never happen, Mary Jackson and Chintzer the Geek (more pseudonyms) from The Mountain Witch, Europe 1910. This one doesn't really match up, but they never really got together. We'll never really know how accurate it it here, although there is certainly some truth to it. I had forgotten that her real name was Elizabeth, too!

Mary and Chintzer

Vibration No 5:
Absolute magnetism. You know how to make decisions together and agree at all times. The energy in this relationship is too fast, spontaneous, impulsive and nervous to channel into a fluent and deep bond. Both partners need a lot of freedom and they love to go on adventures, that’s why they take life as it presents itself every day. For this same reason, they do not make long term projects, and it is this that allows them to keep the relationship fresh and renewed.
At a sexual level, the relationship is more sensual than sentimental. Your contacts are superficial. It is important that you learn to experience sex more intimately and more deeply, not just like a kind of sport or diversion.

Speaking of random generators, In a Wicked Age is available for preorder. Congratulations, Vincent!

And here's a random bit of news: over Christmas and New Year's break Ingrid has worked very hard on transitioning from using diapers to using the toilet. She's only wearing diapers at night now, and the accidents are few and far between. Congratulations, Ingrid!

Diversion and Almost Famous

I've been in a funk for the past couple of weeks, and then I came across this. This is why I love You Tube.

Also there's a huge photo of me in the local paper today, along with Meg, Emily, and Vincent. They did a whole article about the local role playing game designing and playing scene. I bought six papers!